40+ Funny Ted Lasso Quotes that are Sassy & Iconic

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes have taken the world by storm, charming audiences with their blend of humor and heart. If you’re a die-hard fan of the show or just someone looking for a good laugh, these iconic lines are sure to bring a smile to your face.

Set against the backdrop of soccer, and all its associated chaos, his witty observations and sassy comebacks capture life’s absurdity in ways that resonate far beyond the pitch. He reminds us that laughter is often the best medicine, even amidst adversity.

Who Is Ted Lasso?

Ted Lasso is a fictional character brought to life by actor Jason Sudeikis in the Apple TV+ series of the same name. He made his debut on August 14, 2020, charming audiences with his infectious optimism and unconventional coaching style.

Originally a head coach for an American college football team, Ted unexpectedly finds himself leading AFC Richmond, a struggling English soccer club.

While Ted’s cheerful demeanor often masks deeper struggles such as homesickness and navigating cultural differences, his ability to foster genuine connections with players and staff stands out as his hallmark trait.

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes

His funny quotes often serve as vehicles for life lessons wrapped in laughter, making us reflect while simultaneously brightening our day.

His unique way of tackling serious topics with lighthearted jests showcases the idea that laughter can coexist with vulnerability, an essential balance many seekers of wisdom struggle to achieve.

• “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.”
• “Thank you and fuck you.”
• “I’ve had more psychotic episodes than Twin Peaks.”
• “When I talk it sounds like Dr. Phil hasn’t gone through puberty yet.”
• “I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up.”

• “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.”
• “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”
• “On whether or not he believes in ghosts: “I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know?”
• “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.”
• “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.”

• “I don’t like that line at all even if it made me laugh.”
• “Explaining the offside rule in soccer: “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.”
• “You doing exactly what I tell you to do is so f***ing hot” — Keeley Jones
• “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?”
• “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.”

• “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.”
• “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.”
• “You’re having a baby! You’re 70, what are you a character from the fucking bible!?”
• “OK, well, mark this down as the first time we disagree, then. Actually, no, second time. Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. Don’t know why you all do that.”
• “Did I stutter dickhead?”

• “I forgot how skittish elderly people could be because of the war.” — Jamie
• “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat.”
• “Yeah, until we get another Nate here, I just need you to assume you’re my default Nate.”
• “Holy guacamole” — Jamie
• “For the love of Meghan Markle, do not blow that whistle again.”

• “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.”
• “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.”
• “Does my face look like it’s in the mood for shape based jokes?”
• “Go after bus driver and make him pay for what he did to me. Avenge me, Keeley, avenge me!”
• “I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch.”

• “The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist.”
• “Thank you coach. I felt that one in my penis.”
• “Every single one of you knows my ass isn’t hairy. Yet none of you spoke up, and I will never forgive you.”
• “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.”
• “Whistle whistle.” – Roy Kent

• “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.”
• On scones: “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.”
• “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.”
• “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.”
• “That Rebecca is an intimidating and very tall woman.”
• “Let’s go find a fucking windmill!”

Conclusion

The world of Ted Lasso is filled with a treasure trove of humor and wit, encapsulated perfectly in these 41 funny Ted Lasso quotes that not only entertain but also deliver heartwarming lessons wrapped in hilarious one-liners, making it a cultural phenomenon.

If you’re seeking motivation or just a good laugh, these quotes capture the essence of positivity and camaraderie that define the series. From sassy comebacks to iconic remarks, each quote resonates with fans and newcomers alike.

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